Just A Little Girl
I'm just a little girl
that doesn't need all this s____ in my life
I'm just a sweet caring girl
that just gets hurt.
Why do I need this why, oh why?
I am in my mommy's tummy
I hear a voice
It's my daddy
I hear him say her or me
Why does she got to pick?
Why does he say what he did?
why did he drink and beat her to the limit?
Why or why?
Two years later
I hear a girl and guy say I do.
I have a smile
And I think to myself I got a new daddy
Yeh or yeh!
Now eight years later
I hear yelling and fights.
I try to hide to get away
I hate this thing that going on.
My mom don't need this
She's been through a lot
I'm crying in my room saying
Why or Why?
One year later
I'm at my friends parting and drinking
Having a blast.
Smoking and toking
Having our laughs
We go to bed
Me only awake
Their dad comes in and says
f___ me or you can say goodbye.
Goodbye to my best friend that he can take away.
I love her so much she is my best friend.
I take the risk
I lay there crying to myself.
I lay there hoping that it will be over soon
He finaly gets gone and I run.
I run to the bathroom crying so much
I hear him bang on the door.
Yelling and screaming at me.
I stay there all night until he went away.
My best friend waking up at the cry of me.
She asks me "What's wrong?"
and I told her it was just a dream
I tell myself why oh why? Why me?
Two years later
I am all alone
Days are getting better
My mom and step dad are not fighting as much.
I am doing better.
I see a guy that's looking deep in my eyes.
We start to talk and know each other more.
One month later we are in each other's arms
and kissing each other,
holding on to one another.
I'm so happy I never felt this way
But then one day he went away.
I cryed and cryed.
why, Why me?
five months later I am fifteen now
I sit here thinking of my past.
And I know how much I have to live.
My life was not great but I am getting better.
I sit here thinking of how much I wanted to die.
But then I didn't know why.
Now I know where I was wrong.
Cause with out the one I found
There would never been a good life in me.
But after I grow up it all gets better.
I am but fifteen and I am happy with the one I love.
And will forever. Yes oh Yes it is true.
(c) 2006 Just 4 Kids Magazine
April 2, 2007
Hi im crying my eyes out right now and thats very sad. There are parents that do care and I just want every one out there that has had anything happen to you to know that I love you and just know when you are upset think of me and how I want to be you're real friend and even if you are mental or anything I still love you thanks for all you're help if you ever want to mention me to people go ahead so they will know ok love you bye ~
Your story was very touching! I am 46 yrs and 3 months old now. I was molested at 12 years old until I was 15. I ran away from home, got married but only to make things worse. I have never known my own mother`s love! Thank god I now have a wonderful husband. I still cry almost everyday about what my Dad did to me, But what is even sadder is that knowing my mother doesn`t care or love me. My prayers go out to all the heart broken souls out there! Debra
My name is Judith, and I was molested by a step-father from the age of 4-14. My mother set idly by acting like nothing was happening. There were never any locks on bathroom, bedrooms so there was no privacy for me growing up. He would come into the bathroom when I was taking a bath, and sit on the toilet and scare me to death.
The first time it happened I was 4 yrs old. My mother and step-father lived in my grandparents home at the beginning of the abuse. One night I had fallen asleep in my mother's bed -she and her husband had been out drinking - and when they arrived home my step-father come upstairs to go to bed, and found me asleep in his bed. He forced me at 4yrs. to let him rape me...he was crazy about raping women. I run into my grandfathers bedroom where I had a bed and slept in the same room as my grandparents. If my grandpa would have awaken he would have killed this man. My mother and grandmother were downstairs along with two aunts that also had been drinking and seemed to have no idea what was going on upstairs. This man opened my grandfathers bedroom door and tried to make me come back saying "it will only take a short time".
I am 60 years old now, have had counseling for this once and was told that "that's just the way men are." I cannot put it behind me after all these years because there was no closure, and accusing before this PED died. When I finally told my mother at 14 she said that I was a lyer and a home wrecker and through me out of her house. I have hurt so bad and never have been able to have a decent relationship with a man. The only way that I will ever put this behind me will be to try to forget...but I can't.
I feel dirty, below men, and dislike them all except for a half brother from this pedefile that was also abuse by his father. I want to talk to my brother about our past, but it is hard for both of us. We have been called low-down lyers at such a young age with no one to protect us from this demon. Even my christian grandmother closed her eyes to what was happening, but before she died she told me that she suspected this, but didn't think that the courts would believe a young child.
I have prayed to the Lord to help me to forget this, but he won't allow my mind to put it away as I should.
Thank you all for listening to me, and it's great to be able to vent without being ostracized by family and told to keep quiet then I will forget it.
Hi, how are you well I can truly understand what you and your daughter are going through I was abused by my father for a long time and I still wake up in the middle of the night crying not able to maintain a healthy lifestyle because of him but I give God the glory because no matter what he took from me he can not take my faith. The person that did that to your child can not take hers either. Keep your head up and send all your prayers to the Lord He will see you and her through this please give her a big hug for me and know that she will be in my prayers as long as I'm able to send them up. Thank you. Have a wonderful day.
I understand what you and your child are going through. I was abused for a long time by my father and I'm 22 now and I still wake up in the middle of the night crying but im getting and staying strong. Just keep your head up, be there for your child and send all the blessings up to God. He will see you and her through this. Thank you. Have a wonderfull day
I want to thank you for your wonderful magazine.
I am a proud mom to a very special angel to sent to us from God. I did not give birth to Chad, he came to us when he was 3 weeks old, and we adopted him when he was 2 years old.Chad is now 13 years old. Chad is dx with FAS/CAPD/ADHD/SID/BI-POLAR.
Chad has a very "uncluttered" faith in Jesus....he knows without a doubt that when he dies he will go to heaven to be an angel for Jesus. He knows that he has already been saved. Jesus is his best friend.
We found out a month ago that Chad had been molested by our neighbor, whom we knew and respected, and Chad loved as a Grandpa.
I was very angry at the Lord, asking him why....why Chad, with all his handicaps, did he not protect him? I felt like I could not trust him with even the Lord........until this special little boy came to me and said,
"mommy, I still love Jesus"
I wanted to share this special childs faith with you and others.
Trudy House, proud mom of Chad
Beautiful, beautiful web page. It gave me a warm feeling inside to know I am not alone. My ex-husband abused my then 14 yr old son. It too three long years of court procedures, but finally on 7/23/03, our nightmare or our storm is finally over, my ex husband was charged with child abuse, child neglect and endangering the welfare of a minor in family court. My son is now 17 yrs old and has grown to be a strong young man and he too is glad the storm is over and all praises go to God because my son also grew closer to God as a result and attends church with me.
I AM 25 AND A MOTHER OF 3 BOYS AND 1 STEPDAUGHTER.AS ANY MOTHER MY HEART ACHES FOR THESE CHILDREN AND PARENTS.SOMETIMES JUST TO KNOW SOMEONE YOU DONT KNOW WILL TAKE YOUR STORY TO HEART THEN TO PRAY FOR YOUR STRENTH TO CONTINUE YOUR FIGHT AGAINST THE EVIL IN THIS WORLD.
I'm 13 years old (14 in one and a 1/2 months!!!) and I think its horrible some of the things that happen in this world but unless we act it can't be stopped. i'd just like to say well done to the people who make all this happen!
Hello I am a 14 year old girl. At the age of 8-13 I was molested by my step brother. It all stopped about a year ago. I just told my mother about what happend two weeks ago. It is so hard for me because I should of told her sooner, and now she feels like it is her fault, cause she feels like she let it happen. But I know it wasn't her fault and it wasn't mine, it was the devil that did this to me. I am now starting my life, I'm handing it over to the Lord. I don't want to go back to the life I had, I almost died from an OD. I got so depressed because i couldn't live with the thoughts of my step brother, I turned away from God and went to drugs and anything that could help me not think of what had happen. But now it is time for me to move on and I'm so happy that I found this web site. It has helped me alot, I know it will be hard but any thing can happen when God's on your side.
Thank you and your in my prayers.
Hi, my name is Sherri. I am the mother of 3 wonderful children. I was
abused when I was young by my stepfather for a very long time. My
mother knew about it, but refused to do anything about it. Life was
hell until I left home, and even after I left, it was hard.
I've worked hard to suppress the anger. I am now finding out that my
youngest child may be going through the same thing with her father. I
have great friends and a good support system. I hope that everyone
knows that we have choices. Sometimes our choices take strength and
conviction to make, but you can do it.
Eventually, time does heal all wounds. Thank you for the stories, they
are all very encouraging and help me in facing this difficult time
When I was about 2 years old my mother remarried, and her new husband decided very quickly that my mother wasn't "satisfying" so I rather quickly became the victim of his lustrious desires. At 2 years old I was raped by a man 3 times my age also sexually molested and abused. I lived with that guilt and pain for a year. I couldn't tell my mother who constantly worked because I thought it was me, I thought I deserved it for being a "bad girl". And I would try very very hard to be a good girl but the tiniest things out of place would either get me beaten or raped. It would have continued if not for one fateful day my mother came home early and when she did she, she umm saw me being this is hard to say, but she saw him raping me, and it was so brutal, that I was rushed to the hospital because I was ripped open. 4 months in the hospital and 7 stitches left me permanently scarred along with a measly 6 months of therapy. I am 18 now and I have some of the most terrifying nightmares of that man who now is free to do it again. I was so afraid to attend his parole hearing that he got out of his 22 year sentence in a mere 10 years. I deal with my pain now through God, and my own support. I lost my childhood and I had to grow up very fast, and now I am slowly becoming able to interact with men. Although most men terrify me I am slowly realizing not all men are bad. I have once again found God, and I deal with my pain and nightmares through art and by being a big sister.......One thing I have learned is that its never your fault, never and your not alone in your pain, if you think you have reached the end of that dark tunnel all alone you haven't because there is always someone with you with that light of hope guiding you along a better path. Don't hide from the world either, embrace it because for every evil man or woman there are hundreds more angels on earth there for you guiding you and giving you all the happiness and love you can ever want...
Hi, I have just found this website which has been a help to me to read. I was molested as far as I can remember once by my grandfather. It wasn't until my first slight sexual encounter with a male that I realised what had been done to me. My family didn't know about it growing up as a teenager, and I became a difficult adolescent in their eyes. When I was 30 I told my mother (as it was her father), at the time she mainly just listened since then she has let me know she thinks I am not telling the truth. This really hurts me and I felt very angry. Reading some of the letters was helpful to know other peoples mothers can be loveless like this too. I now have a 3 year old daughter, and her father, first time been given access to her on his own, has sexually abused her and hurt her. I am proud that she was aware enough to let me know, and we got straight on to the authorities about it but because she is so young they say they can't prosecute. I am worried for her in the future but reading your stories helped me realise that the strong love and strenght I have for my daughter will help us to get over this and it was encouraging to see that in time and with love this horrible ride should ease. My mother chooses to ignore this has happened to my daughter as well, which makes me feel terrible. I am seeking counselling in the new year. May be I will encourage my daughter to attend sunday school so she has a good faith as well.
I have a little different perspective on the subject but felt compelled to write. I am the Grandmother of a very brave little 6yr old girl who has endured horrors that only all of you can identify with. My heart breaks in two when I think of what her Grandfather done to her and then bragged to police about it. As near as we can tell my little grand-daughter was abused from the age of 2yrs until almost 5 yrs when she bravely told her Daddy what grandpa was doing. My son met a troubled girl that was much older then himself and they began dating and it was not until after she was pregnant that we learned she was sexually abused by her father. From that day forward I was always afraid for my grandchildren and tried to keep them from visiting her parents house but whenever she split up with my son she would go there. The police told us we could not prevent her from doing so as we had no proof. My daughter in law called and asked my son to pick up their daughter as she needed a sitter for work the next day and she had refused to go to her parents house. So when my son picked her up he casually asked her why she did not want to go over to their house. With not much more coaxing then that the story just spilled from her as if she was relieved to tell someone. We spent countless hours at the police station, in court rooms, writing letters etc to bring this man to justice. His wife denied either of her daughters had ever been sexually abused and ended up committing suicide before her husband was incarcerated. Both daughters (one being the Mother of this little girl) denied it and would not come forward on her behalf. Her Mother was never even able to face her father in the court room.But without their help he is in prison for 10 to life and no chance of parole for 10 yrs. And we owe it to that precious brave child to be their for that parole hearing and make sure they keep him. My heart goes out to all of you as I know how this has effected my family. My son still blames himself to this day for not being able to protect her. God bless anyone who has to endure these horrible times. And thanks for reading my story...............
My prayers and tears go out to all of you. I was molested at age 11 by my step-father. I was to scared to tell until age 18. He molested my little sister as well. No one ever told the authorities because he was so violent. I am sure he is out there molesting others. I am 42 now and it ruined almost my whole life, I never could get OVER IT. I went through all kinds of health problems until at age 33 I got cancer (Hodgkin's Disease). At first I was happy, I could check out and go to heaven and finally be happy. But then something happened and I didn't want to die, I guess because I'm a survivor and will always be. I changed my way of life and started fasting and cleansing my body. I also became a vegetarian. I felt the demons come out of me all the sorrow and unhappiness that had been put there by my step-father so many years ago. I feel free today, the bonds of hell have been lifted and I don't think of it every day like before. Sometimes I almost feel like that innocent little girl again. The only thing I don't feel free about is that there are all those child molesters out there doing this to other children and when they are caught they get a stinking 10 years? Maybe if it were 50 years, we would be safe. Little Jessica Lunsford would have been safe. Her killer was arrested 24 times or more, he should not have been on the streets. I wish there was a way we could all get together and stop this, forever.
yours in the light,
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RETURN TO Poem
wonderful painting is ęTom Sierak, artist and used with his permission.
The painting is available at his site and is entitled Beach Blonde.
midi is entitled My Sweet Love and is ęBruce DeBoer, composer and
performer. It is used with his permission. You may visit his
Kurt Grigg to thank for the great java mouse script.
Update: December, 14, 2004